Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I wonder if the serial killers use facebook. Jeffrey Dahmer : "Had a couple friends over for dinner last night"

   People assume when I yawn that I’ve lost interest in what they have to say but truth be told, I was never interested.

   if someone is bipolar & bisexual, are they a "quad"?

   Angel on my shoulder needs to shut up.

   Reflecting on my life... I'm really surprised I haven't been shot in the face.

   The car seats in your Neon really accentuate your gangsta lean bro.

   If you tell me you're gonna "hop in the shower," I'll picture you naked, hopping around in the shower like an idiot.

   Can we have a song about being happy that doesn't involve clapping?

   Do kids today even realize what great Buubs the Activia lady used to have?

   can you just let us believe in who we want to.. quit trying to convince us otherwise

   my dyslexic neighbor keeps looking for his god

   Quit crying, kid. I won this Easter egg hunt fair and square...

   So many porcupines... so little poop.

   religion? um, ha, no. i'm not really into the idea of letting a set of ancient rules dictate my life. 

   On a scale from 1 to 420.. How much Easter candy are you eating right now?

   Why does McDonalds call it a drive thru when you have to drive AROUND the building?

   A little known fact from the Bible is that between his resurrection and his ascension into heaven, Jesus ate nothing but brains.

   Easter falls on 4/20 this year...... Easter Bunny is going to have completely different grass in his basket!

   So if Jesus sees his shadow when he comes out of his cave can we finally have spring?

   The only rabbit I like on Easter is the one that's plastic and vibrates