Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I give my number to this hot sexy as@ bi#ch.. She said I will call you when I get home, I think that bit$h homeless..

   I need help programing my dvr to skip news and record the commercials.

   .... Naw ... Blinded by the light ... Revved up like a deuce ..... Another runner in the night .... Yup, Bet that cuts the odds a bit.

   There's a 95% chance that you'll go through your whole life without ever knowing the next line to "Blinded By The Light."

   That's right,, Doctor Smug, I DO drink eight glasses of water a day.... I just filter them through coffee grinds first.

   Men In Black, Panties..... #AddaWordRuinaMovie

   We played a lot of "Keep The Balloon In The Air" as kids,,,, a game known to most other people as Being Poor.

   So Casey Kasem is missing, they should get Scoob and the gang to solve this mystery.

   When a first date ends with an awkward hugshake, it's usually the last date too.

   Could someone introduce Beiber to Casey Kasem?

   Somewhere, right now, someone is getting something you wanted, but couldn't get, and they didn't try, or even want it.

   There are 2 types of clowns: registered & unregistered sex offenders

   Casey Kasem: Coming to a milk carton near you.

   Casey Kasem is one of the "Top 40" adults missing in America.

   You lose yourself trying to hold on to someone who doesn’t care about losing you.

   After many rewrites, the Bible lost all stories of Jesus' little known brother Carl. Carl could turn wine into water. No one liked Carl.

   "I hate fake people," Danny announced as he pushed the store mannequin over and kicked it in the torso.

   "I DEMAND... A TRIAL BY COMBAT" "sir it's just a parking ticket, I..."

   I don't mean to brag but I own several shirts with Dragons on them.

   It never ceases to amaze me that the little space between the driver’s seat and the center console in my car will fit any object that can possibly be dropped, but will not fit a hand.