Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   After all these years, I think I figured out Victoria’s Secret.... She’s hungry.

   It’s sad that a few fake Nigerian princes have ruined it for all the good Nigerian princes who are just looking to wire 24 million dollars.

   Thinking is hard, perhaps you should leave that to your betters.

   Any stairway can be a stairway to heaven. . . If you're clumsy enough.

   If it sucks so much, why do you keep coming back? It only sucks when you're here.

   The fact that anyone thought Todd Chrisley was straight is wild to me

   I'm going to McDonald's for breakfast and ordering an Egg McMuffin and a McChicken, just to see which one comes first.

   Please take care. You could have Monkey Pox and not even realize it. You may be a-chimptomatic.

   ✅Convoy & Control✅

   There is nothing else to hope for, but for things to get better.

   My wife set parental controls on Netflix because I watched a show without her.

   Life is like soccer, you can either use your head or use a good swift kick.

   Trying to breathe quietly while walking uphill, so bystanders don’t hear me fighting for my life.

   Trojan is a terrible name for condoms. They’re basically named after something that penetrated the stronghold, then broke open and thousands of little guys poured out and messed up everyone’s day.

   Our institution is a greedy piglet that suckles the taxpayer’s teat until they have sore, chapped nipples.

   Raising a teenager is like having a cat that only comes out to eat and hisses at you whenever you try to be nice to it.

   Dear June, I don’t want any trouble from you. Just come in, sit down, don’t touch anything and keep your mouth shut.

   What I do not realize is actually how you're not really a lot more well-preferred than you may be right now. You're very intelligent. You know therefore considerably in the case of this topic, produced me for my part believe it from numerous numerous angl

   Wish me luck guys, I am interviewing tomorrow for a new job at Old McDonald's Farm for the C-I-E-I-O position.

   In 1929, the Soviet Union established gun control. From 1929 to 1953, about 20 million dissidents, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.