Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 134 of 6384
Trying to add up the media’s stories for today and it came to 5317. Now, flip your calculator upside-down and read it.
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06-20-2022 03:30
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A licking machine built a Purdue University takes on average 364 licks to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop. Random Mom: Where does one buy said machine? Asking for a friend.
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06-20-2022 03:29
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Just because you’re driving 5 miles an hour over the speed limit does not mean that you can drive in the left lane. Some of us are trying to break the law for real.
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06-20-2022 03:28
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These last few years have felt like being tied to a chair and watching a toddler play with a loaded pistol.
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06-20-2022 03:28
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“Just be yourself, say something nice.” Me: Which one? I can’t do both.
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06-20-2022 03:27
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So, the legend goes… that the “M” from MTV, used to stand for music.
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06-20-2022 03:27
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For those wondering if walls work, they do, I went to china, didnt see one Mexican
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06-20-2022 02:34 by Luka
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Do you think songbirds get annoyed with hummingbirds for not knowing the words?
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06-19-2022 15:39
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June was once Dairy Month, it's now Fairy Month.
I panic at a lot of other places besides the disco.
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06-19-2022 02:41
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People who get offended when I breastfeed in public need to calm down. What I’m doing is natural and it strengthens the bond between me and my dog.
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06-19-2022 02:40
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Anything that cost you your peace is too expensive.
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06-19-2022 02:39
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Wife just told me that her birthday is tomorrow. Wow, like maybe more of a heads-up next time.
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06-19-2022 02:39
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Her: I was just swiping on Tinder. Can anyone tell me why I saw my boyfriend? Her: Stop asking what I was doing on Tinder, that’s not the point!
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06-19-2022 02:38
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You can’t leave those who created the problem in charge of the solution.
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06-19-2022 02:37
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Me: Showing up every day with fresh excerpts from exotic lands to entertain the masses.
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06-19-2022 02:37
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Sign at 7 eleven, gas is 7.11, “the prophecy has been fulfilled.”
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06-19-2022 02:36
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2020 We aren’t allowed to go in public. 2022 We can’t afford to go in public.
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06-19-2022 02:36
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The moment your gut says no, it’s a no. You can analyze the details later.
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06-19-2022 02:35
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I identify as a microwave dinner, because I’m ready in 5 minutes, look nothing like my photos, and I’m just satisfying enough for you to want me again when you’re desperate.
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06-18-2022 00:58
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