Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 117 of 6384
Dear plexiglass, thank you for protecting me from the cashier who just touched everything I’m taking home.
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07-23-2022 00:01
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That’s supposed to be a high five emoji, not praying hands. People out here dying and you’re high fiving.
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07-23-2022 00:01
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As I watch this generation try to rewrite history, one thing I’m sure of, it will be misspelled and without punctuation.
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07-23-2022 00:00
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Social media has made too many of you comfortable with disrespecting people and not getting punched in the mouth for it.
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07-23-2022 00:00
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Fitted sheet? You should see me try and fold a thong.
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07-22-2022 14:39
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I just saw a woman walk out of the pizza place with 8 large pizzas. Stay with me I’m gonna live stream my proposal..
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07-22-2022 14:39
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Is it too early to start drinking? – some moron with a clock.
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07-22-2022 14:38
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Protip: If your wife says the cord on the vacuum cleaner is too short, it doesn’t mean she’s asking for an extension cord for her birthday.
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07-22-2022 14:35
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party idea: “DUI or IUD?” you can only invite people who have one or both and you CAN’T divulge which
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07-22-2022 14:35
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HOT SINGLE GRANNIES IN YOUR AREA WANT YOU TO LOOK AT HOW TALL YOU’VE GOTTEN
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07-22-2022 14:34
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I avoid eye contact like everyone is trying to sell me $20 fundraiser popcorn.
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07-22-2022 14:34
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Just learnt how a cat yowls on heat. So glad we as humans don’t do it the same way
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07-22-2022 14:33
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I wonder if black ants and red ants have a beef. I never see them chilling together. Ever.
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07-22-2022 14:33
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I hate who I was when I packed a healthy dinner to bring to work
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07-22-2022 14:32
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Life is not like a box of chocolates. It’s more like mixed vegetables with freezer burn.
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07-22-2022 14:03
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It’s been “one of those days,” for like 3 years now.
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07-22-2022 14:02
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I have one nerve left, and you’re dry humping it.
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07-22-2022 14:02
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Apparently, it’s rude to poke someone in the forehead and say, “skip intro,” when they start talking to you.
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07-22-2022 14:01
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What’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever done? Me: Awfully bold of you to assume I’ve peaked.
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07-22-2022 14:01
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The symbol & looks like a man dragging his butt across the floor.
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07-22-2022 14:00
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