Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 111 of 6384
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.
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07-31-2022 23:51
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I think humans are smarter than fish. If you were walking down the street and there was a Bic Mac hanging on a hook would you just start eating it?
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07-31-2022 15:05
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True or False: The people who are the most delusional about how great they think their state is are from New Jersey.
OK. Whose bright idea was it to call it "Boob Sweat" and not "Humidtitties"?
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07-30-2022 10:51
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If you beat up homeless people they can go to the hospital where they will have a warm bed and good food.
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07-30-2022 10:35
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I turned off spell check because I was tired of all my jokes getting urined.
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07-30-2022 09:41
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I'm writing a book on Reverse Psychology. Please don't buy it.
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07-30-2022 07:38
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I had plastic surgery last week, I cut up my credit cards.
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07-30-2022 01:58
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Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else.
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07-30-2022 01:58
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He knows nothing; he thinks he knows everything, that clearly points to a career in public office.
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07-30-2022 01:57
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A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
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07-30-2022 01:57
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I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!
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07-30-2022 01:56
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I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.
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07-30-2022 01:56
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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.
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07-30-2022 01:55
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When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.
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07-30-2022 01:55
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Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
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07-30-2022 01:54
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Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.
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07-30-2022 01:53
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All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal, fattening or too expensive.
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07-29-2022 23:54
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It's Shark Week. Sharks kill an average of 5 people a year. Cows kill an average of 22 people a year. When is Cow Week
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07-29-2022 20:15
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If your profile mainly consists of photos featuring you and your 60 year old friends at bars and restaurants, you've failed miserably.
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07-29-2022 08:58
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