Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   ..wonders why is there a man in the bottom corner of her TV playing charades?

   : One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

   : Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.

   Why does Walmart make their prices on food so cheap then charge an extra 2 bucks for extended sizes? I guess they are getting their money one way or another!

   very temperamental - 50% temper and 50% mental.

   It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, or vacuum cleaner.

   Have no fear of perfection–you'll never reach it.

   n't it amazing how nice people are to you when they know you're leaving?

   there may not be an "I" in team but there's an "M" and "E"

   there are two rules to getting rich. 1) Don't tell all you know

   If you think something small can't make a difference, try going to sleep with a mosquito in the room

   seeking a meaningful overnight relationship

   knowledge is knowing that pepper is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put it in fruit salad

   Don't ask me to tell you my status, FACEBOOK, you're not my therapist!

   defying gravity, NOTHING can bring him down

   ready for No Shave November 2009. Join the Facebook Group!

   Fighting off bunnies trying to steal my lucky charms

   dont drink n park..accidents cause people!!!

   Thinking ████████████ 99%

   A lot of good conversations are ruined by some idiot that actually knows what he's talking about.