Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   feels ashamed of his smoking but it's better that I smoke and let the dreams of the cigarette makers come true then to be selfish and worry about my lungs

   hated it when old aunts used to come up to her at weddings, poke her in the ribs and cackle, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals

   geting behind early so she can have plenty of time to catch up

   going to read your status updates through a kaleidoscope... it's more fun that way.

   unique just like everyone in here!

   If twitter went away, would anyone care?

   wonders why is it that when a man talks nasty to a woman it's harassment, but when a woman talks nasty to a man it's £3.99 a minute

   a Person In Management Position (PIMP)

   I've decided that to raise my grades I must lower my standard

   Employees caught speaking Spanish will be paid in Pesos.

   Shake the family tree...and watch the nuts fall !!

   Yesterday the house was clean, sorry you missed it.

   I came...I saw....I decided to order take out !

   just been sworn in as the "new" King of Pop.

   never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

   would call you a tool, but even THEY serve a purpose.

   The problem with the Gene pool is there arn't any lifeguards.

   wondering if Chris Brown releases a "greates hits" cd.....will that violate his probation????

   24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case, coincidence? I think not.

   Drugs may lead to nowhere but at least it's the scenic route.