Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   considered atheism, but there weren't enough holidays.

   going to pull a borat on megan fox

   in a relationship with Kate Gosselin.

   MARRIED: STOP, ok, on my list of things to do in life, getting married is LAST, right after suicide!!!

   Now remember, what happens in Vegas stays, in Vegas... Except herpes, that will come back with you.

   I borrowed my friend a tenner yesterday. This morning I found pictures of myself on the frontpage of most national newspaper with the following headline 'UK's third biggest lender'!

   This is worse than divorce.. I've lost half of my assets and I still have my wife.!!!!

   Can't find Sesame Street on his GPS. Can you tell me how to get there?

   wondering what chairs would look like if your knees bent the other way....

   can no longer hula hoop. At least I can still blow bubbles. And to my sicker friends, don't ask who Bubbles is.

   does not want to be bothered today...just tell everyone I'm hiking on the Appalachian Trail.

   decided to stop listenin to the voices in his head..

   loves it when you call me big pappa.

   Scientists have found a ground breaking, all natural way to cure insomnia. They call it church.

   wondering if Michael Jackson's Heart was telling the Defibrillator to just Beat It?

   Undertakers have announced that now michael Jackson has died he's gonna be melted down to make toys, so the kids can play with him for a change!

   half price concert tickets in july in London...anyone?

   just heard Weird Al just faked his own death.

   thinks Michael's heart: just couldn't Beat It . . . too soon? too soon?

   Now all the lil boys can sleep easy ( no more nightmares about being kidnapped and flown to neverland)