Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Dear Physics, I don't want to solve your problems. I have my own thanks

   LIFE INSURANCE: a contract that keeps you poor so you can die rich

   If I died and went straight to hell, it would take me at least a week to realize I wasn't at work anymore

   I'm guessing God had to change his password when the Mayan hacked his account and found out about 2012.

   Ahh Bud light the sweet lower calorie nectar made by mother nature

   sick and is therefore listening to The Cure.

   drinks... we drink hard... we drink loud... and we drink often. it may not be pretty, but damnit we have a good time...

   lowered her expectations to the point that they've already been met. <sigh>

   Just saw a girl in a plain push wheelchair holding on to her guy's motorized wheelchair and rolling behind him. Dude, she's using you.

   getting to the point where he has to choose between Facebook and having a degree

   I accidentally said “LOL” today. I think I deserve to be shot.

   I HaTe PeOpLe WhO WrItE tHiS wAy !!

   Friends are like computers : they enter into your life,saves you in their heart,formats your problems & never deletes you from their memory.

   We were all born nudist. I'm thinking of returning to my roots.

   if your still gathering rocks to throw at me,you must have a LOT of rocks and I'm scared.

   If you can read, thank a teacher. If you can read in English, thank a soldier.

   how about you jump from cloud 9 to 1, that way you can see my middle finger better !

   just been outside and got hit on the head by a lasagne, black forest gateaux and a garlic bread .... must be the fall out from iceland

   Dear Mathematics. Please grow up and solve your own problems

   First they came for the wealthy, and I did not speak out--because I was not wealthy;Then they came for the business owners, and I did not speak out--because I was not a business owner; Then they came after my money--and there was no one left to speak for