Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   that a keg in your back pocket? Cause I'd tap it

   gonna stand outside, so when people ask where I am you can tell them "He's outstanding!"

   traveling through a maze.. In other words he's amazing

   St. Patricks Day. The only time of the year when people are proud of having a bit of Irish in them.

   The richest person is not the one who has the most,while he is the one who needs less.

   its all fun and games until someone presses charges!

   I had a fight with the wife and didn't see her for three days... Then the swelling went down and I could see her out of one eye

   I bet Curious George's owner is getting his azz pinched off today for St Patty's Day

   Today's Tip: Be kind to your fellow man....remember to courtesy flush.

   The best part of life is when your family becomes your friends, and your friends become your family.

   riding the escalator the other day, and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half..

   would like the PETA people not to have a cow because some people like to eat a good steak.

   St. Patrick -- one of the few saints whose feast day presents the opportunity to get determinedly whacked and make a fool of oneself all under the guise of acting Irish.

   on a dating site and asked if could add the girl to facebook... her response "dont think we are quite there yet" its official facebook is the new 1st base!

   believes Jimmy Buffet said it best. . . "Why dont we get drunk and screw?" Happy St. Patrick's and Hump Day everyone!!!

   Just wondering why I was getting dirty looks from the clerk at the general store at 4am the other night. All I did was purchase Black garbage bags, duct tape, bleech, and latex gloves.

   Found the pot at the end of the rainbow but the Leprechaun somked it!

   All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage.

   just told that karma will come back around if I make fun of stupid people...now, I only make fun of rich, goodlooking skinny people!

   Flavor Flav turns 51 today. He'll spend a quiet day at home, still resting up after a weekend of moving all his clocks forward.