Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   to belittle is to be little.

   some people call it Thanksgiving Day.....I call it "Bitc* Slap Vegetarian" Day

   uses the exclamat!on po!nt a l!ttle too much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

   What is it with the absent reference status messages. When people say things like "I can't believe you would do that" or anything with "You know who you are." We don't and frankly, we don't care. It's just you posting your drama filled life up to generate

   ... all in all we're just another brick in the Wal(Mart).

   Character cannot be developed in peace and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved

   Chocolate is the answer to EVERYTHING!

   ..has Claustrophobia. She's afraid of Santa Clause.

   Horse racing is just like NASCAR only slower.....and with poop.

   Former Cuban leader Fidel Castro is reportedly a huge fan of President Obama and thinks he'd doing a great job. Boy, Obama hasn't had PR this good since the Rev. Wright was campaigning for him. Maybe he can get Gaddafi to say something nice too.

   wonders why there is no swine flu in Iran and asks if it is because of veils or not

   if you're single and unhappy, try being married!

   worried that my latest Salvation Army donation will result in homeless people looking like sluts from the 90s

   thinking..Tiger driving and hitting trees is nothing new, but I will bet he hasn't hit one off a fire hydrant before.

   heard Tiger Woods drive hit a sprinkler head and then went into the trees.

   You're not a douche because you paint your face and dress up with spikes on your shoulder pads, you're a douche because you're a Raiders fan!!!

   Theres a party tonight. Climb my leg and you can have a ball..

   If I was a jumper the first place i'd jump is right into megans fox's panties..:)

   if it wasnt for bad luck, i'd have no luck at all!!!

   never meddles in the affairs of dragons, for he is crunchy and good with ketchup