Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Just watched the movie Scarface. I'm not one to judge, but if you use your entire hand to make the line you might have a drug problem.

   yes we know you are heartbroken but please stop posting all those sad youtube songs.

   Temper is what gets most of us into trouble... Pride is what keeps us there.

   You know you're getting old when 'happy hour' is an afternoon nap

   Freedom is never free. But it will lower gas prices soon !

   Hung-over, Adj. Suffering from near death like state, often catatonic and always with a pounding headache. Unbalanced with no sense of humor. Needs total silence and another drink.

   I don't fear love's magic, I just fear some magicians.

   I can't completely hate on Valentine's Day since its ending signifies the beginning of Cadbury Egg season, one of the greatest seasons EVER!

   School taught me one thing i'll never forget..........how to text without looking

   wonders how different the world would be if bad and stupid people came with warning labels

   "Just going on the computer to check one thing!" - Me, three hours ago.

   When is that guy from the Men's Wearhouse commercials gonna clear his throat?

   When a quiz is NOT multiple choice... You know you're screwed.

   Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties.

   Yo Mayans, I know you all did your thing and everything, but the dinosaurs had the best apocalypse ever.

   The heart wants what it wants. To pump blood to the rest of your body. Oh and for you to stop blaming it for your stupid actions.

   Are those Chinese tattoos on your neck the symbols for unemployment?

   HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR, It's the year of the snake !!! I'm still keep accidently writing Dragon on all my checks.

   If cartoons can wear the same clothes everyday then so can I dammit.

   Today is 4/20, or as the people of Colorado call it, Saturday.