Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Anyone with a pool want to be my new best friend?

   likes how YouTube has gone from a video watching site to a music listing site.

   the condoms I use are so sensitive, they stick around to talk to the chick for an hour after I leave."

   If you are brave to say "good bye", life will reward you with a new "hello"

   If I had a nickel for every time I ignored your petville request, I could buy the L.A. Zoo..

   I have never understood why advertisers feel the need to show you extreme close-up shots in dog and cat food commercials. Its not like we are the ones eating it?!?!

   More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.

   Nothing brings two people together like the mutual hatred of another person.

   I need a redbull & a nap..

   It's time to do some stuff around the house. Sit around it... walk around it... lie around it...

   When I'm done using a unisex bathroom I leave the seat halfway up....never know who is coming in after me

   remembering the days when cell phones were used for making phone calls.

   I've adopted a highway. Well, technically, I just drive like I own it.

   Do all your FACEBBOOK "friends" want to be your friend or just want to be snooping in your business??? Just sayin....

   believes dinosaurs were made up by the CIA to discourage time travel.

   The movie "The Social Network" about facebook earned 9 million dollars in sales Friday night to top all movies. Imagine what they could have done if those veiwers had dates!

   Just entered hour nine of an overly-dramatic sigh.

   Life before the computer: Memory was something that you lost with age. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show. A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. A web was a spider's home. A virus was the flu. A CD was a bank account. A

   I will never be led to believe there is someone who won't betray you under any circumstance. Learning otherwise is a lesson learned with great pains.

   Homonyms: a reel waist of thyme.