Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon thought the iPad was for the iPod for Bostonians
←Rate | 01-28-2010 09:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Passion, manners, and 80 ounces of beer will win the heart of any woman. And if it doesn't, you'll be too hammered to remember
←Rate | 02-04-2010 22:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon our finger prints last forever on the people we touch
←Rate | 03-23-2010 17:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Heart palpitations count as cardio, right?
←Rate | 10-24-2010 15:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ready for my new work out video ABS of BEER!
←Rate | 10-29-2010 22:01 by Mckibben Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have my own way of doing things... generally clumsy and usually late.
←Rate | 11-04-2010 12:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon They say the universe is expanding...shouldn't that ease up the traffic?
←Rate | 11-06-2010 11:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon just wants someone to tell me how Facebook ends so I don't have finish all this reading.
←Rate | 04-25-2010 00:53 by paulb808 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've got all the money I'll ever need....... as long as I die by four o'clock this afternoon.
←Rate | 04-27-2010 15:09 by champ33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon has been temporarily disconnected from AT&T...and my iPhone...where in the hell am I?!
←Rate | 05-04-2010 08:58 by @bitemeNsuckit Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tourist Resort is a place where no one knows how unimportant you are at home.
←Rate | 06-11-2010 06:14 by naishadh86 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best audience is one that is intelligent, well-educated, and a little drunk."
←Rate | 06-15-2010 10:07 Comments (1)  


   messageicon If I was on death row and given one last meal I would ask for a fortune cookie. "Come on 'long prosperous life!'"
←Rate | 08-27-2010 11:49 by gator Comments (1)  


   messageicon It's nice when a grocery clerk asks if I found everything OK, but if they really cared they'd have all this sh!t in the same aisle for me.
←Rate | 10-02-2010 11:56 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Saw a monarch butterfly today, what made it special is that it was the first time it wasn't stamped on top of a strippers arse.
←Rate | 07-20-2020 10:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A teacher grabbed my arm in the 3rd grade and pulled me to the back of the line. When I asked what I did, she said you know what you did. I’m 60 and I still don’t know.
←Rate | 07-27-2020 12:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon On the bright side, when wearing a face mask, I pick my nose in public much less often.
←Rate | 08-24-2020 14:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Making homemade peanut butter isn’t as hard as people make it out to be if you just pre-chew the peanuts first. For more helpful cooking tips follow my blog “Tell Me She didn’t Really Just Do That”.
←Rate | 09-28-2020 09:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have 39 calories left for the day. I think I might just open the ice cream and smell it.
←Rate | 10-07-2020 13:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How can you tell if someone plays the bagpipes well?
←Rate | 10-19-2020 15:07 Comments (0)  




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