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when the Neilson Ratings called me to survey what I watch on TV... I let them know what shows are stupid and pointless....Unfortunately, they are still airing JERSEY SHORE!
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09-09-2010 22:38 by
Tommy Chevelle
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I just read a list of 'the 100 things to do before you die'. I'm pretty surprised 'yell for help' wasn't one of them...
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12-12-2009 23:01
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Sometimes the thoughts in my head get bored, and go for a stroll out through my mouth. This is rarely a good thing.
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03-22-2010 01:20 by
ANGELA
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No one is listening until you fart.
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04-02-2010 13:07
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Actual Sign in a bar: "Those drinking to forget please pay in advance."
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06-09-2010 17:52 by
Joser
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I just got back from a mile long walk in your shoes and I still think you're a douche bag
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07-22-2010 22:14 by
status stalker
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If you come up to my bedroom door and there is a sock on the door handle it means I'm having sex..... Probably with the other sock.
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06-02-2014 01:45 by
StonerDudee
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If you're not afraid when someone is flipping through the photos on your phone then you're probably boring.
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10-13-2014 01:58 by
Kisstopher707
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You had me at "do we need to stop at the liquor store on the way to your place"
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09-13-2013 13:17 by
Baddie
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3 people everyone hates: - Anyone asking questions when a meeting is about to end - Anyone who holds the elevator for anyone - Kanye West
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11-13-2013 07:40
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I used to make fun of my dog for barking at dogs on TV until I caught myself in the car pulling over for a siren on the radio.
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11-19-2013 18:55 by
JMc
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One of the worst jobs in the world has to be a fruit stand vendor in an action movie..
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06-30-2015 11:54
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Know those adorable idiosyncrasies you loved when first dating? After 20 years of marriage they become what the police refer to as "motive".
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10-04-2015 11:20
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There is a fine line between a numerator and a denominator
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11-17-2011 22:36 by
g0re
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Facebook's timeline is my favorite way to watch girls from high school get fat.
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12-20-2011 20:22 by
BEGO
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I invented four new karate moves while trying to get an automatic paper towel dispenser to work
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01-01-2012 04:50 by
flinnie
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Don't worry; it's only kinky the first time.
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01-10-2012 13:34 by
KISSTOPHER
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Since Wikipedia is in blackout today, in protest of online anti-piracy laws, can anyone tell me where the G-Spot is?
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01-18-2012 12:36 by
Czovczov
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Guess I better get some sleep. I have to get up in 10 minutes.
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06-17-2012 14:38 by
Aaron
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I don't always drive the speed limit. But when I do, there's drugs in my car.
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07-07-2012 12:21 by
HiYourJon
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