Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   just spent my Saturday watching commercials on AMC interupted by 10 minutes segments of movie..

   You're 10 years old and have a laptop, iPod and BlackBerry. Dude when I was 10 I had pokemon cards.

   Can't get over the irony that they actually serve milk at "Hooters"

   can't stop sneezing because I'm allergic to your BS....

   they say eating fish makes you smarter, but the only ones you eat are the ones dumb enough to get caught

   says - just when you think all your ducks are in a row, someone comes along and shoots one of them

   All you get when you pick my pocket is practice...

   I'm perfectly imperfect, beautiful in my flaws, sure of my insecurities, absolute chaos...a beautiful disaster.

   Remember, A hard punch can often be used as a secret weapon to secure victory in an intellectual debate.

   "No big lifestyle change for Lindsay Lohan. She'll still be hanging around the bars"

   Women spend 2% of their lives trying to figure out where bruises on their legs came from

   "The mistakes of the past don't define you... they refine you."

   without a doubt the most popular and best looking person using this laptop.

   ‎7-11 is developing a new wine.. It's said to pair well with poor life choices and sadness

   happy and I knew it and then I clapped my hand, everyone thought I was weirdo :/

   Some people are wise, Some are just other wise.

   Attracting men is just like fishing. You just have to wiggle the bait.

   Would like to remind all my friends who also spent Valentine's day alone, St. Patricks day is only a month away... Start drinking!

   What did things taste like before there were chickens?

   Sometimes you have to go through hell to get to heaven.