Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1095 of 6446

I'm going paperless at home but it's presenting a real problem in the bathroom.
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08-12-2016 19:38
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Hey,, Has anyone tried giving ISIS a snickers bar?
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08-21-2016 22:00 by Snotty
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If only someone on the internet would give me their opinion on the election.
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09-28-2016 20:06 by Snotty
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"According to the latest poll, 80 percent of the people polled are sick and tired of hearing about the latest polls."
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10-15-2016 05:40
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For my wife's birthday, I bought her a small bottle of exclusive perfume called ample. I just hope she doesn't notice where I scraped off the "S"
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10-15-2016 05:41
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If you think your life can't get any worse, just remember...you could be Mike Tyson in a Chinese restaurant trying to order the Sweet and Sour Shrimp.
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10-28-2016 09:31 by Fazzella
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Pink grapefruit extreme close-up, you’re welcome.
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01-03-2018 02:32
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It's time for a Civil war to overthrow the legal government to install the leader demanded by the mob. Ya ... That's the ticket.
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11-12-2016 02:10
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The election in a nutshell: We let the p*ssies play pin the tail on the donkey for a while, then shut the party down.
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11-17-2016 10:04 by Fazzella
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My neighbor finally put up his #Christmas lights today. I bet he's mad that I beat him to it. I put mine up three years ago.

Last night I went to a "Testicular Cancer" survivor party. Everyone had a ball.
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11-30-2016 05:23
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What if all those coins you keep finding on your couch is rent money from the spiders living in your house?
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01-10-2017 01:07
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Everyone want to see a politician's tax returns. I'd rather see their IQ tests.
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02-09-2017 11:23
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I’m pretty sure if my dog could talk his most common phrase would be “Are you going to eat that?”
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02-20-2017 09:51
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Would you want to trust your fate to 12 people who were too dumb to get out of Jury Duty?
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03-02-2017 10:55
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What’s the difference between an art student and a philosophy student? A philosophy student asks you why you want fries with that

A hungry traveler stops at a monastery and is taken to the kitchen. A brother is frying chips. 'Are you the friar?' he asks. 'No. I'm the chip monk,' he replies.
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03-09-2017 10:04
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hoping the death of Osama Bin Laden means I cen get on a plane without getting fondled by a TSA agent.
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05-01-2011 23:31
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I feel like celebrating by eating a good old american double cheeze burger, fries and a cold Budweiser to wash it down.
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05-02-2011 00:14 by Magnus
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Call of Duty: Black Ops trained soldiers kill Bin Laden
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05-02-2011 01:36
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