Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I'm going paperless at home but it's presenting a real problem in the bathroom.
←Rate | 08-12-2016 19:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey,, Has anyone tried giving ISIS a snickers bar?
←Rate | 08-21-2016 22:00 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon If only someone on the internet would give me their opinion on the election.
←Rate | 09-28-2016 20:06 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon "According to the latest poll, 80 percent of the people polled are sick and tired of hearing about the latest polls."
←Rate | 10-15-2016 05:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon For my wife's birthday, I bought her a small bottle of exclusive perfume called ample. I just hope she doesn't notice where I scraped off the "S"
←Rate | 10-15-2016 05:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you think your life can't get any worse, just remember...you could be Mike Tyson in a Chinese restaurant trying to order the Sweet and Sour Shrimp.
←Rate | 10-28-2016 09:31 by Fazzella Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pink grapefruit extreme close-up, you’re welcome.
←Rate | 01-03-2018 02:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's time for a Civil war to overthrow the legal government to install the leader demanded by the mob. Ya ... That's the ticket.
←Rate | 11-12-2016 02:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The election in a nutshell: We let the p*ssies play pin the tail on the donkey for a while, then shut the party down.
←Rate | 11-17-2016 10:04 by Fazzella Comments (0)  


   messageicon My neighbor finally put up his #Christmas lights today. I bet he's mad that I beat him to it. I put mine up three years ago.
←Rate | 11-21-2016 10:19 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Last night I went to a "Testicular Cancer" survivor party. Everyone had a ball.
←Rate | 11-30-2016 05:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What if all those coins you keep finding on your couch is rent money from the spiders living in your house?
←Rate | 01-10-2017 01:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everyone want to see a politician's tax returns. I'd rather see their IQ tests.
←Rate | 02-09-2017 11:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m pretty sure if my dog could talk his most common phrase would be “Are you going to eat that?”
←Rate | 02-20-2017 09:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Would you want to trust your fate to 12 people who were too dumb to get out of Jury Duty?
←Rate | 03-02-2017 10:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What’s the difference between an art student and a philosophy student? A philosophy student asks you why you want fries with that
←Rate | 03-03-2017 07:11 by The Joke Cafe Comments (0)  


   messageicon A hungry traveler stops at a monastery and is taken to the kitchen. A brother is frying chips. 'Are you the friar?' he asks. 'No. I'm the chip monk,' he replies.
←Rate | 03-09-2017 10:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon hoping the death of Osama Bin Laden means I cen get on a plane without getting fondled by a TSA agent.
←Rate | 05-01-2011 23:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I feel like celebrating by eating a good old american double cheeze burger, fries and a cold Budweiser to wash it down.
←Rate | 05-02-2011 00:14 by Magnus Comments (0)  


   messageicon Call of Duty: Black Ops trained soldiers kill Bin Laden
←Rate | 05-02-2011 01:36 Comments (0)  




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