Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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If the plan was to hire a press secretary so incompetent that it distracts people from the Administration's incompetence, then today was a very successful press conference indeed. 
Funny how effective Chicago police are if you havent commited any crimes.
Sit back, relax and enjoy the fight... -United pilot welcoming passenger
"Jesus Loves You" is a great thing to hear in Church but a terrible thing to hear in a Mexican prison.
Where is the best place to work if you have one Leg?
IHOP
Typical Hillary/Obama supporters in san bernardino today. They all are very fragile these days.
"If I get off , It will be on your face" - United passenger
United Airlines... You Might get to fly and it shows.
All of these special little "holidays..." I heard they were gonna have a national "I Don't Give A Sh*t" day... But no one gave a sh*t so it never happened.
Whenever I see a post that only says "I can't" or "I can't even" I assume the person drove off a cliff and the rest of the post was supposed to say "write a complete sentence."
Hey Sean Spicer … reality called. It misses you and hopes you are doing okay.
“Can someone call my daughter and find out if I should bomb Syria? She's very beautiful, you know."
I feel like everybody judges me when I say Worcestershire sauce...
Things that will get you kicked off an United Airlines flight: 1) Wearing leggings 2) Having an United Airlines ticket
In United's defense, they only claimed the skies were friendly. They said nothing about what happens on the ground.
I can't believe that United Air offered passengers $800.00 and a hotel stay to give up their seat and not one took them up on it.
If you think that the Kendall Jenner commercial is the worst thing Pepsi ever created, let me remind you that Pepsi also makes Mountain Dew.
If I don't lose some weight, I'm gonna get one of those lap band things. Not the surgery. I mean I'll be able to fit The Stones on my lap.
Just want to say a quick prayer to United's Public Relations teams. RIP.
On the lighter side, United Airlines won't have to worry about being overbooked for a while. 