Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   used to jog a mile everyday, then I found a shortcut...

   moving the furniture out of the room because the dog and I are going to breakdance battle...oh it is ON!!!!

   thinks it is wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

   riding the ponies outside of Wallmart be back when I run out of quarters.

   spinning in his new office chair so I am away, now I am back, away again and back.

   You win some, you loose some, but it's all good if you get some :)

   if I'm ever abducted by a group of hostile aliens and they demand to see my leader; I think I'll show them my wife

   if I'm ever abducted by a group of hostile and they demand to meet my leader; I think I'll show them my wife

   logged in and saw you logged in.Then I logged off and logged in 2 hours again - you were still logged in.Get A Life!OK yeah I was logged in all this time too.(feel shame)

   changed his profile picture. Now he looks a little less ugly.

   showing his colleagues your profile and they're all laughing at your picture.

   forgot to stop the Q-tip when their was resistence

   happy that his Judgement Day is not Today

   would be high on Life, but she doesn't want to snort the milk.

   "when you listen to your Rice Krispies in reverse, you can hear the DEVIL telling you to steal Lucky's charms"

   making a sex tape and shooting up heroin with Miley Cyrus

   wondering if the I.R.S. will noticed she claimed A.I.G. and Obama's mother-in-law as dependents!

   Where is my balloon? I thought What ever goes up comes down!

   I would get your number but I already got it off the bathroom wall.

   angry,she caught Chlamydia from a bicycle seat