Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

   just been sworn in as the "new" King of Pop.

   I came...I saw....I decided to order take out !

   Yesterday the house was clean, sorry you missed it.

   Shake the family tree...and watch the nuts fall !!

   Employees caught speaking Spanish will be paid in Pesos.

   I've decided that to raise my grades I must lower my standard

   a Person In Management Position (PIMP)

   wonders why is it that when a man talks nasty to a woman it's harassment, but when a woman talks nasty to a man it's £3.99 a minute

   If twitter went away, would anyone care?

   unique just like everyone in here!

   going to read your status updates through a kaleidoscope... it's more fun that way.

   geting behind early so she can have plenty of time to catch up

   hated it when old aunts used to come up to her at weddings, poke her in the ribs and cackle, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals

   feels ashamed of his smoking but it's better that I smoke and let the dreams of the cigarette makers come true then to be selfish and worry about my lungs

   ha ha suckers, gullible IS in the dictionary, I checked....

   if nothing goes right for you .... Go left!

   doesn't want to follow you on twitter because you're not going anywhere.

   proud of herself. She finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years.

   - Hard drive, floppy drive, flash drive, stiffy disk. Who comes up with these names?