Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   recommending a Magic 8 Ball for times when Obama has no teleprompter.

   when it comes down to it, it's the little thongs in life that makes it all worthwhile...

   in the studio with Chris Brown making new 'beats' for his album.

   Real Men of Genius.Today we salute you Mr.Compulsive Status Update Checker.People are out actually having fun, your stuck reading about it on a screen. One click instant "mafia and farmville" updates to live vicariously through, friends you... haven't see

   counting the number of friends who remind him that it's Friday.

   NOTADDICTEDTOTHOSEENERGYDRINKS!!!!

   kissed a girl and I liked it. She, on the other hand; filed a restraining order.

   anti-obama before it was cool

   went to Facebook and all I got was this stupid status message.

   I bought a cabin on a lake.... but there are signs all over my side of the lake saying "NO WAKE ZONE"...... now I am afraid to go to sleep.

   Don't count the seconds... Make every second count...

   gave up drinking and smoking... Worst ten minutes of my life.

   jumping out the window, who's with me?

   Chris Brown must be making a new album, because he is going over his greatest hits with the judge tomorrow?

   A woman's work is never done. Maybe that's why they get paid less?

   segregation will not end until they start putting #2 pencils in the same boxes as colored pencils.

   Why is a school zone speed limit 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles.

   Why the hell didn't the Hamburglar ever steal and eat Mayor McCheese? I mean he was, after all, an ENORMOUS burger.

   The Mayan calendar says the world is going to end in 2012. That's why I refer to my Ziggy calendar instead.

   first there were 3 broken axles then I died of dysentery. Damn Oregon Trail.