Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   This is a test of the facebook emergency notification system. Had this been an actual emergency, the entire message would have been in capital letters and you would have been directed to post this as your status message immediately. This is only a test.

   I couldn't sleep last night! He wouldn't leave me alone, I told him to stop I wasn't in the mood. He wouldn't listen he began exploring my body...I woke up with mosquito bites all over. I guess he couldn't get enough of me!

   such an adrenaline junky that when I see a 'caution wet floor sign' I walk faster

   wants money for nothing and the chicks for free.

   had a GREAT FB status but Kanye West interrupted me...

   gonna go stand outside. So when someone asks where I am you can tell them.. They're outstanding

   thinking about how Kanye could be so Heartless!

   coffee because I grind so fine

   thinks we have enough youth. How about a fountain of smart?

   One tectonic plate bumped into another and said....."Sorry, my fault"

   I don't know about you, but I'm sick of seeing disabled people being pushed around...

   SUPERBAD and McLOVIN every minute of it.

   should shout "You Lie!" in church just to see what happens...

   hasn't spoken to bigfoot in a while.

   Yes I know it's 09/09/09 I don't need 100 text messages letting me know. I have a calendar!

   wondering if the last one out could possibly switch off the light at the end of the tunnel?

   just heard about the scientist that wants to rename the planet Uranus because it's rude. It's true, Google it! I reckon that's a damn good idea...let's call it Urectum instead.

   Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life

   Saw It... Wanted It... Had A Fit... Got It!

   thinks this Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me