Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   my children are ARE well behaved!! everyone just has high standards

   My Reality Check bounced.

   thinks everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

   wonders if Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

   my husband said he wanted me to tease him, so I said "Alright, fatty." I guess that's not what he meant. :(

   spooning with the cat tonight.

   keeping his hands clapping and his pecker in his pants...

   ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶*´¨`* That's me granting you a wish. Simply comment your wish below and poof...you got it! LOL....

   insists that EL Cucuy lives in her closet!

   IF SOMEBODY SENDS ME ONE MORE FARMVILLE INVITE THEN I WILL KILL YOU'RE ANIMALS AND SET FIRE TO YOU'RE CROPS!!!!!!!!!

   BREAKING NEWS - Obama just won an Oscar for watching a movie!

   no problems with buying tampons. I am a fairly modern man. But apparently they're not a "proper" present. "Happy birthday, mum!"

   My girlfriend said she wanted me to tease her, so I said "Alright, fatty."

   wondering why people think bartenders care about your misrable life. We dont! Now leave some cash and be on your way!

   's dad asked him for a balloon ride, but he said "No, I don't wanna be a hoax"

   thinks people should stop dreaming about Happily Ever After and be Happy Just Now. Forever ~ ✿ ♬ ☮

   Some days I'm not sure whether I am a Catholic or an angry Protestant!

   Synonym - a word one uses when you can't spell the other one!

   Dr, Seuss is my favorite rapper! Cat - Hat....sheer genius!

   refuses to vacuum anymore until they make a ride-on