Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   X was here but now she's gone. She left her name to carry on. Those who knew her knew her well. Those who didn't can go to hell.

   Women don't hit harder. We hit lower.

   wondering when are guys gonna stop wearing their sisters faggety skinny jeans and wearing their hair in feminine haircuts?

   saving his breath, I need it to blow up my date

   farts with the sole purpose of making you smell better

   ... "No Prince Charming Riding Up On a White Horse Anymore", Girls are Done With All Those Pointless Fairy Tales. Now It's Time to Wait For Some Real MEN .... as Jacob The Werewolf and Edward The Vampire, hahah !!!

   Procrastination is like masturbation...if feels good while you're doing it but in the end you only f*cked yourself

   Have you noticed that the "lol" symbol looks like a drowning guy? I bet hes not laughing out loud

   putting on his mistletoe belt buckle

   Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole in one.

   Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn't decide between a wood and an iron.

   says: Is it just me or do all the people in "The Snuggie" commercials look like they are in a cult???

   Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.

   Rehab is for quiters

   End discrimination. Hate everybody!

   may not be Santa, but it doesnt mean he hasnt seen you while you're sleeping...

   Congratulations! You're not illiterate

   thinks It's easier to seek forgiveness than ask for permission.

   I went through three magazines on the train yesterday. I'd killed a dozen people before they managed to wrestle the gun off me

   wake me up when is xmas over coz I cant afford buy any presents....