Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Hell hath no fury like a women with a nine iron.

   The best person to get directions from is a 1 legged man...he knows the fastest and quickest way to get anywhere.

   To the world you may be just one person, but to one person you may be the world

   Tiger Woods is officially black. His wife busted out his car windows with a golf club @ 3 am , & he clammed up when questioned by the police. Welcome back Tiger

   this message changes to Spanish as soon as you look away.

   Emo is to music, what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.

   Haikus are easy. But sometimes they don't make sense. Refrigerator.

   used to hate going to the gynocologist. But now he's old and his fingers shake a little....

   X was here but now she's gone. She left her name to carry on. Those who knew her knew her well. Those who didn't can go to hell.

   Women don't hit harder. We hit lower.

   wondering when are guys gonna stop wearing their sisters faggety skinny jeans and wearing their hair in feminine haircuts?

   saving his breath, I need it to blow up my date

   farts with the sole purpose of making you smell better

   ... "No Prince Charming Riding Up On a White Horse Anymore", Girls are Done With All Those Pointless Fairy Tales. Now It's Time to Wait For Some Real MEN .... as Jacob The Werewolf and Edward The Vampire, hahah !!!

   Procrastination is like masturbation...if feels good while you're doing it but in the end you only f*cked yourself

   Have you noticed that the "lol" symbol looks like a drowning guy? I bet hes not laughing out loud

   putting on his mistletoe belt buckle

   Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole in one.

   Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn't decide between a wood and an iron.

   says: Is it just me or do all the people in "The Snuggie" commercials look like they are in a cult???