Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   too bad the minn didnt win...i wanted to see favre get a ring this year....but ok well...you brett...go ahead and retire now for and come back b4 the start of next year...

   has decided that a Man's nipples are for decoration.

   My annoying neighbors challenged me to a water fight, so i'm posting this status while waiting for the kettle to boil..

   sometimes wishes that life came with a ◄◄ REW ► PLAY ▌▌PAUSE █▌STOP ►► FF

   I will personally pay the exorcist to pay Anna Anka a visit.

   Life is like a mirror, we get the best results when we smile at it....

   My boss asked me to take an anger management class today. I told him I was angry enough with management as it is!

   just heard that A burger King in Florida will open next month that will serve BEER.... where you'll be able to get a whopper combo with a beer for 7.99....FINALLY A HAPPY MEAL FOR MEN!

   tired of people giving me a skewed or heart-wrenching fact, then asking me to post it as my status, THEN mysteriously having the clarvoyance to tell me what percent of people won't post it as their status. HONK if this annoys you!

   Happy 50th Birthday Bubble Wrap!!!!!

   Excuse me,God,but this fig leaf is much too small!

   wishes Brett would just go away. Favre, Favre away.

   I'm looking forward to seeing my life flash before my eyes when I die. If only to know what I did in the 90s.

   "you gotta laugh.. sometimes its the only weapon you got" - Roger Rabbit

   waiting for Congress to demand hearings on the $45M bailout and golden parachute for Conan O'Brien. Oh wait, we only do that for CEOs of large companies - my bad.

   its kinda hard for a gay guy to go to prison... what are you gonna scare him with?

   ..i bought a pair of shoes called "Dyke". It has an extra large tongue and it gets off with just one finger.

   going to go save the world.........its the only place with chocolate

   brought to you by Summers Eve. When your situation down south makes him breathe through his mouth.

   STOP EVERYTHING YOUR DOING!!! Think about me for 3 secs. 1.....2.....3.... You have just experienced the best 3 seconds of your life. You're Welcome!