Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   you know its sad when your mother is on facebook and guys younger than you are poking her.

   doesn't believe in superstitions....it's bad luck!!

   Televangelist Pat Robertson said the earthquake in Haiti happened because they made a pact with the devil to get rid of the French in the Haitian Revolution. Pat, please. You don't need a pact with the devil to bead the French.

   I Dont Even Tell Myself What To Do! So What Gives You The Right Too!!

   Facebook: the only book teens read these days.

   the cost of living has gone up and the cost of making a living is really up.

   Did a book report on facebook and passed.

   In the scale of 1 to Kanye West, how interruptive are you?

   loves automatic doors. It makes him feel like a Jedi.

   My ex girlfriend auditioned for American idol. She said if she got through, she would be on "Cloud 9". I told her she was more suited for "Destrict 9"

   I measure the wealth of my day by asking myself did I add more friends today over friends who have deleted me on Facebook

   Many years ago,Ozzy Osbourne asked me how he could get publicity to help his music career. I told him he needed a bright red hat. He thought I said "bite the head off a bat". And the rest,of course is history.

   never apologizes. I'm sorry, but that's just the way I am....

   Where there's smoke, the possibility exists I might be cooking...

   These internet scams must make it difficult for legitimate Nigerian officials to share huge sums of money with strangers

   Damn court sux. If I ever got pooled 4 jury duty I would start all my answers w/ "According to the phrophecy..."

   Attack life, it's going to kill you anyway!

   "The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office." - Robert Frost

   wishes everyone involved in the Global Warming debate would all just Chill Out.

   scared of fortune cookies, mine said: this message will self destruct in five seconds.