Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   sn't gonna buy the new i-pad......I hear next years version is coming with wings....I can wait! :-)

   Hard work never killed anyone but i'm hoping my boss will be the first.

   I'm as nervous as a postman at a dog show.

   it's only nagging if you don't do it the first time I ask!

   has seized the day and dragging it back to bed with her. :)

   Octomom we don't care about your body, how are you spending my mony on your kids?

   Thursday...the point when you can start getting a bit giddy about the weekend!

   I don't want to lie to your face, so could you do me a huge favor and turn around?

   i hate to love, I love to hate...

   it true when the Pillsbury Dough boy bends over you see doughnuts??

   You call it Gray Hair...I call it "Stress Highlights".

   thinking about eating right, exercising, and quitting all my bad habits. But then I would attract too much attention, and frankly, I like my privacy.

   So far today I made only one mistake...I GOT OUT OF BED!!!

   Free Snowmen outside.......some assembly required

   wonders....with the largest memory chip, if the iPad will be nicnamed the "MaxiPad."

   thought the iPad was for the iPod for Bostonians

   A child is like a mosquito: when it stops making a noise,you know it's up to something.

   I just committed the perfect crime. I stopped paying my shrink. He took me to court. I pleaded insanity.

   The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

   "never pass up a bathroom, never waste a hard on and never, ever trust a fart." Jack Nicholson