Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I just shaved a hedgehog. It was pointless.

   I just saw a woman getting into a car the wrong way. Through the driver's door.

   Man, good thing the Obama family got that dog. I'm pretty sure Sasha and Malia were tired of throwing frisbees at Joe Biden.

   wants you to know that these are in fact Bugle Boy jeans he's wearing.

   ready for upgrades, modifications and custom made specifications. (DP)

   wishes he could delete people in real life as fast as he can his facebook friends.

   Sometimes when my internet is down,i forget that the rest of my computer still works.

   When life hands you lemons, squirt the juice in your eye..the stinging sensation will stop your whining.

   Men,, we age like fine wine, women on the other hand age like milk,,, I hope you like yogurt

   More excited than Tiger Woods in a Strip Club

   Could switching to Geico really save you 50% or more on car insurance???.....Does being on Facebook really give you the feeling that people's lives are a little over-exaggerated just by reading their status updates?

   The difference between divorce and legal seperation is that legal seperation gives a husband time to hide his money.

   Would rather wash clothes than go to a Wnba game

   in bed by 9, and home by 11..

   ahh young Love. Full of promise, full of hope. Ignorant of reality

   Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said bet you can't hit me with a quarter!

   Eating Ramen Noodles with a spoon is like going the speed limit, sounds like a good idea but won't get you very far.

   the middle class does not exist. If you believe you are part of the middle class, it just means you're rich and insecure or poor and misinformed.

   Sex is like pizza. When it's good, it's good. When it's bad, it's still petty good.

   I'll show you my status if you show me yours