Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Sign in Bar: "Low-cut blouses are looked down upon in this establishment."

   I didn't know NASCAR contracted IDOT to patch the racetracks! I knew the quality of that patch looked familiar

   Valentine's Day ends tomorrow..so dont forget to wake me up!!!

   England: The country where Pizza gets to your house quicker than the Police

   - Of course, the great thing about tomorrow is that all of those heart shaped Russell Stover's and Whitman's sampler boxes will be 50% off.

   CONFUCIUS SAYS: "Wife who put husband in dog house soon find him in cat house." hehehe!!!!!!

   It's mind over matter. I don't mind because you don't matter.

   What I want, I get. If I didn't get it, then maybe I didn't really want it.

   One good thing about music. When it hits you, you feel no pain.

   it just me or is Beyoncé singing "Halo" with the line, "remember those Walls I built, well baby they tumbling down". Slightly inappropriate for the Haiti EARTHQUAKE appeal!!!!

   feels sorry for his girlfriend on days like Valentine's. It's quite difficult not to be with the wife all day.

   ive just booked a table for me and the missus for valentines day, should be a nice surprise, dont think shes played snooker before

   Happy run out and spend money you don't have on things you wouldn't otherwise buy to prove you love someone who if they need things bought for them to prove you love them probably shows they don't truly love you anyway day!

   on the first date, don't let on that the cost of the meal worries you.

   Ah Valentines.. the day where couples are getttin it on, singles have one night stands, and others hit up the local bar and drink it up

   Two years ago I married a virgin. And if that doesnt change soon,im divorcing her.

   Happy Singles Discrimination Day!

   Happy hump day! And no I don't mean Wednesday...

   a fear of heights: Jackson Heights, Crown Heights, Washington Heights

   Happy Valentines Day baby, just to prove my love to you I am going to take you to Red Lobster today for lunch and let you get appetizers and shiattt