Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   thinks it's only a weak soul that walks towards Alchohol as a 'solution' when the going gets tough. Not me though - I sprint towards it....

   advising to talk to the status.... the hand is not listening!!

   advising others to be careful!! I am not currently medicated!!

   A celebratory beer after winning the gold - $1. While you're at it, might as well have a cigar - $3. The Canadian women looking like fools, especially with all the problems caused because of Canada hosting the Olympic games - priceless.

   The difference between a sin and shame; It is a sin to put it in; It is a shame to pull it out!

   thinks reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

   I like having those fat girls as myspace friends, they always provide the cleavage photos, no wonder they receive so many darn comments

   please don't interrupt me while I am ignoring you.

   in west,dates were divided in two parts A.C. & B.C...in USA its now divided into three parts A.C., B.C., and 9/11

   To err is human,to blame it on someone else is more human..

   My Grandfather is eighty and still doesn't need glasses... He drinks straight out of the bottle.

   watching today the bare-knuckled, bruising clash between competitors vying to win recognition for their national pride. Then President Obama dismissed the Healthcare summit and I watched the Olympics.

   If Longfellow was right, that "Into each life a little rain must fall", I choose to have the showers that fall on Bill Gates or The Donald!!

   has heard that love makes the world go round... but so does tequila!

   I was walkin past my neighbours white van that was covered in dirt ,someone had wrote on it, "I wish my wife was as dirty as this van." I just couldn't help myself from writing, " She is... When your at work

   Today I saw two of my Facebook friends join a group called "I hold my boobs when I run down the stairs".

   If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

   On the list of things NOT to do today....play with killer whale.

   Have you crapped so violently that you back cracks and your legs spasms? Ohh, yeah me either...

   I believe my entire life is one complicated drinking game...