Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   heard some folks trying to change the name of Killer Whale to something less threatening. Sea World, Killer Whale was quoted as saying, "I'm back baby!"

   So a whale killed it's trainer? Sounds like... an orca-strated murder.

   doesn't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.

   I think my OCD is getting worse. Did I hit post? Wait a minute, did I even type it yet? I'm pretty sure I hit post but am not sure. Yeah, I did. Well, maybe I didn't. I better double-check. Yeah, I did. No, I didn't. Dang!!! What was I going to post again

   people.with over attitude mid- finger salute..!!:D

   W.O.M.E.N.: Waiting On Man's Every Need.

   not waiting another minute for the lab results... the Valentine cookies from my ex-wife look good and I am feeling lucky.

   Acute Gout Attack!! - The Vegetarian's Revenge!

   Dilemma: Do I wash all my dishes or should I eat my cornflakes in a cup with a knife?

   "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt." - Chuck Nevitt

   Men may be pigs.. Men may be Dogs.. But after all its women that get married to them.

   quitting smoking is very easy , I have done it so many times

   procastinating now. Don't see why I should put it off......

   Why can I not stop watching the Food Network?

   Did everybody see the trailer for the new Free Willy movie? They kept on showing it on the news.

   Gentleman is a man who can play accordeon but doesnt.

   Can clearly see a few people who ate a bowl of stupid for breakfast.

   Tonight I'm leaving my sobriety at home, along with my indoor voice and any behavior that can be mistaken as 'ladylike'.

   A celebratory beer after winning the gold - $1. While you're at it, might as well have a cigar - $5. a few Canadian women proving that this world truly is becoming too P.C. PRICELESS !!!!

   Oh! So you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY and they meet at the bar!