Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "So this is how democracy dies, with thunderous applause..." - Star Wars Episode III

   would like to sublease his FB wall. He's still trying to find a way to make money here.

   I'm fed up of people challenging my ethics and saying I don't do enough to better the world. Even my coat is recycled, It used to be a leopard

   those acorns in my bag shrink when it gets cold.

   •If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic.

   not to happy with our Goverment and thinks there is some truth to the quote " What Lions they are Lead by such Lambs"

   Facebook is the only place where its acceptable to talk to a wall

   I feel like I'm the best, but you're not going to get me to say that, cuz I'm modest.

   Yoda's last name Lay-he-hoo?

   Would Like To Know Where He Can Purchase A GPS For His Life Journey, I Made A Wrong Turn And Can't Get Back On The Damn Highway!

   Pamela Anderson looked so confused on Dancing With The Stars. I don't beleive she has ever danced without a pole before.

   Doubt your doubts and believe your beliefs, never believe your doubts and never doubt your beliefs.

   managed healthcare by an obsese surgeon general, passed by a Congress that has not read it, signed by a President that smokes, administered by a treasury chief who didn't pay taxes and financed by a country that is broke? What could go wrong?

   I asked my 7 year old daughter if you could be anyone out of a story book who would you be and she said snow white. when I asked her why she said mommy what girl wouldn't want to kiss 7 tiny lil men good night

   put a dyslexic joke on FB. Unfortunately, I have some dyslexic friends. I never heard the den of it from them!

   The perfect work excuse: "Hello? Boss? Yes, I'm sorry, I will not be coming to work today. I'm having vision problems. I can't see myself coming to work today!"

   Why dont you slip into something more comfortable... Like a coma!

   Ryan Seacrests comment after kissing Ellen on the lips: "Taste like fish"

   Be rude to a bully and he'll beat you up, be rude to a geek and your computer will never forgive you.

   "See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."