Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   GOOD for these men cheating. Maybe their wives should be taking care of bizniz @ home!!!

   Breaking News: Tiger Woods withdraws from the masters after the first hole. At a news conference he claims he dropped out because he's a one hole man now......

   Make sure your car windows are working properly when you decide to let a big one out.

   I don't see why people have to say in thier status they they are getting in the shower. I don't want to picture your bare fat behind in the shower!

   dont get married just find a woman you hate and buy her a house

   I didn't know how talented I was...I can sneeze and piss at the same time... :(

   Wow! That shirt is hideous!!! It really compliments your face.

   Naps are like good songs, they're never long enough.

   SO....we got Charlie Sheen, Tiger Woods, Jesse James, Ben Roethlisberger, John Edwards, Chris Brown, John Mayer, and now Tiki Barber...Anybody else I missed?

   So, Tiger and Jesse cheat and they have a sex addiction and need therapy, but a women has an affair, killes off her husband and she gets to be on Oxegen's SNAPPED!!!

   "They" are just mad because Obama's taking away things they've been getting away for years...excuse me, decades and that's.....GREED.

   I got 99 problems but a mother f**king jay z ticket aint one of them.

   I'm so over hearing about Tiger and Jesse James. I think EVERYONE is just jealous that he was able to have all these women and get away with it for so long. Other sports figures and ploticians do this as well. They just haven't gotten caught yet!

   My wife is in the bathroom yelling "could smebody tell this bathroom scale that april's foolsday was last week" nd am thnkng thts scary!

   wondering why they call it Joy dish soap when people hate to wash the dishes?

   You would think when you offer someone gum they would take it, but no some don't...maybe next time I can just hand them a toothbrush ad toothpaste and they will get the message!

   I'm way too cool for you boy, that's why it will never work...

   has done his bit for the environment today by switching to natural gas. It was the best bowl of beans I've had in a while.

   "The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself"...and spiders. Oh, and ticks and nuclear war and getting laid off and losing your eye sight and...

   We need to have a man to man talk! Well if not man to man, mustache to mustache at least