Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   given up trying to understand the Indian project manager. If I try it causes migraines.

   going to get a tattoo that says "Live Without Regrets", and have it spelled wrong.

   I cut myself shaving this morning. Now I'm walking with a limp.

   Why does my bf have to lift up his leg everytime he's about to fart!?

   you can get whatever you want in this life if you have self confidence,determination...and an AK-47 wz unlimited ammo..

   Says: He may wear the pants.. But I CONTROL The Zipper!! hehehe!

   did you cheat? ... No I opened the book.

   don't look at me in that tone of voice

   Drama Queens/Kings, Hypocrites, two-faced, exaggerators and fake people can all be found on Facebook!!!

   Looking for the six-fingered man!

   just broken down and listened to a song by Justin Beiber. I've got the phone on vibrate for the rest of the day since I just stabbed both ears repeatedly with a ball point pen.

   Sometimes "dressing for the job you want" is referred to as "impersonating an officer".

   Don't call me sugar, call me Splenda. I'm artificially sweet.

   Did you hear about the blind man who was walking down the street and as he passed the fish market he tipped his hat and said, "Good evening ladies.

   Cremaster muscle- the muscle that raised the testes when cold. Sumo wrestlers can voluntarily move this muscle to protect themselves.

   You've been dating for 2 days - you don't love each other.... Shutup!

   cancelling Mondays due to lack of interest!!!

   wondering why the hair on her legs grows so much faster than the hair on her head!

   would like to remind everyone that today is "Spay & Neuter Your Rednecks Day."

   Its simple.PG,means the hero gets the girl,PG13 means that the villain gets the girl and 18 means everybody gets the girl!!!