Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   He who dies with the most toys is, nonetheless, still dead.

   Don't try to outweird me--I get stranger things then you free with my breakfast cereal.

   Today, I went to the movies. When I got out, I saw that someone hit my car but were nice enough to leave a note. It said, "Ouch - that's going to cost you some money." They signed it with a happy face sticking out its tongue

   Im like domino's pizza, if I dont come in 30 minutes the next one is free.

   taliking to his wall. sssshhhh!!!!!!!

   they should make a whiskey called May... jus for today

   that I swear for every app I block from my newsfeed on FB, three more appear. It's like a computer virus that keeps evolving just to screw with me...

   why should I ever stop smiling when I live in a joke world!

   Teenagers express their burning desires to be different by dressing exactly alike.

   A good friend will take you to the hospital if you fall into a coma. A great friend will draw a mustache on you on the way.

   Does any1 else find it wierd that in the movie "twilight new moon" there are 4 boys running around in the woods shirtless together?!

   facebook baby,i love you,even though you suck. . . or,maybe THAT is why I love you

   asks, What can brown do for you?... Brown will whoop ur ass, just ask Rhianna or Whitney

   waiting for you to say something intelligent .

   you know you've been in a long relationship when you start retiring sex toys

   Why do you bake cookies and cook bacon

   You just read this sentence while I ramble on wasting your short life for no reason at all.

   Weird... I just found a haystack on top of this needle...

   must be destined to be a nomad... nobody can live with me. i'd rather be a gypsy...then, I could go around making people thinner...or dead.

   This world is coming to an end.. Volcanoes, floods, earthquakes, Justin Bieber..