Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   HATE: a SPECIAL KIND OF LOVE GIVEN TO PEOPLE WHO SUCK!

   JESUS SAVES... He Passes It To Gretzky... Gretzky Shoots... He Scores!

   God created Whiskey to keep the Irish from ruling the world.

   looking for a Facebook petition for Betty White to host the Adult Film Star Awards

   I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain.

   Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happend.

   The hardest thing you'll ever do is watch the one you love, love someone else.

   I look at the moon, the moon is beautiful...I look at you.. I.. I... I'd rather look at the moon again.. ;)

   Men will confess to treason, murder, arson, false teeth, or a wig. BUT How many of them will own up to where the f*ck they were last night????

   No one understand a bad hair day like I understand a bad hair day, I am currently rockin ruff and stuff with my afro puff!!!

   hates leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

   I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

   having a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

   thinks that everyone has the ability of making someone happy, some by entering the room, others by leaving it.

   A woman knows she's wearing the right dress, when her man wants to take it off.

   if you can't beat them, let them join you. THEN beat them.

   I love the lines the men use to get us into bed. ‘Please, I'll only put it in for a minute.' What am I, a microwave?

   ObamaCare: Prescription for disaster.

   The best way to make an old car run better is to look at the price of a new one.

   I've got a new car, but I only get three miles to the gallon. My teenage son gets the rest!