Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Attention bullies: if you're looking for lunch money, there are tons of nerds hoarding around outside Apple Stores right now.

   Why they play football while there is a Vuvuzela concert?This is Rude

   Change is good..especially if you wear diapers!

   I hate it when you go to bed and you finally convince yourself that the spot on the wall is just a piece of dirt or something, and then it totally starts crawling towards you!

   These days, the only way I get rolled in the hay is if I get mugged behind the barn.

   When I post a good status message that gets lots of comments, I feel like I just rode a bull for 8 seconds at the rodeo

   If "Vampire In Brooklyn" had been a bigger hit, we could have all lived the rest of our lives without these damn "Twilight" movies .

   This World Cup has turned out like World War 2! The French surrendered early, the USA arrive at the last minute and the English are left to fight the Germans

   England are to change their shirts for the next game. The 3 lions will be replaced with 3 tampons to represent the worst period they've ever had!!

   ▒▒broke his sta▒tus but ▒▒▒▒ a little duct tape goes▒▒ a long w▒ay....

   Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work or prison.

   If karma doesn't knock you out soon, I f*ckin will!!

   Unicorns are real, They are just fat and gray and we call them Rinos

   wondering why lady gaga is doesnt want to kiss or touch him, did he do something?, were fernando and roberto involved?

   if life aint crazy, you aint livin!!!

   As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead, he jaughed. You know he's been there before.

   I don't know if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.

   Worrying is like a rocking chair. It keeps you busy, but gets you nowhere.

   not in the dictionary because awesome is already a word

   I can't believe people are watching SOCCER!! It's a bunch of guys running around like crazy, and NEVER scoring! It just reminds me of my high school years!