Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I asked the teller at my bank to supersize my order. Apparently, banks aren't full of would-be comedians.

   Death, bring back Kurt Cobain,Freddy Mercury,Bob marley,Jerry garcia,Jim Morrison (Doors),Jimmy Hendrix, John Lennon,Bradley Nowell,Shannon Hoon,Janis Joplin,Paul Gray(Slipknot),Tupac, BIggie Smalls,Big Pun, Eazy E. Take any1 from Pop radio in exchange

   annoying heat; it's not the heat, its the stupidity...

   Bachelors know more about women than married men, that's why they not married.

   finds it funny in the movie "did you her about morgans" sarah jessica parker is chasing a horse its like Pepé Le Pew chasing the cat

   soooooo high.. that he/she can hear heaven )O.o(

   If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

   If there was a tornado coming the first thing I'd do is update my status, If I'm not on here for awhile I'm not alive.... :P

   I swear, when one radio station is playing commercials, EVERY radio station is playing commercials.

   After a lightbulb burns out, I always have to shake it to make sure that it is truly, burned out, and that it is not playing some kind of lightbulb joke on me.

   If Lady Gaga and Prince had a kid, they should name him, "The Artist Formerly Known as Alejandro"....

   If Harry Potter's so magical, why cant he cure his own eyesight..

   Im not addicted to fb, Its just you never get on...

   thinks whoever said money doesn't grow on trees obviously never sold marijuana...

   I'm not crazy, but the voices in my head might be.

   lol at this persons profile http://facebook.com/profile.php?=73322363

   The Cavaliers owner was overheard muttering to himself, "If I can't have LeBron, no one can."

   To aid in the demolition of his image, LeBron James said he was enlisting a "dream team of experts," including Tiger Woods, Jesse James, and BP CEO Tony Hayward

   Cleveland Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert has been spotted driving to Miami wearing a so-called "astronaut diaper," eyewitnesses reported today

   Switched my GPS to the male voice. Got tired of it announcing turns after we'd passed them and telling me to stop and ask for direction