Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Don't be sad, don't be blue, Frankenstein was ugly too!

   thinking 9000 people are having sex right now, 2000 are kissing, 1000 getting head and you are reading my status. Hang in there sunshine

   O dang the voices in my head are speaking Spanish again....they know I don't understand them!

   thinks that Edward Scissorhands should be very much afraid of Edward Rockhands...

   if any more of these Mel Gibson tapes get released you'll be able to buy the box set from Time Life by XMas

   I don't care if Monday's blue... Tuesday's gray and Wednesday too... Thursday I don't care about you... It's Friday, and I don't have any real plans for this evening...

   always do right.this will gratify some people and astonish the rest

   has a message to all Gingers. Let Raoul Moat be a lesson. We will find you and make it look like suicide!

   just read that movie theatre popcorn is very buttery and unhealthy, in other news..water is wet! :D

   Men and fish are alike. They both get into trouble when they open their mouths.

   "If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles.

   I once gave up fishing. It was the most terrifying weekend of my life.

   worried that my wife (when I'm dead) will sell my fishing gear for what I said I paid for it.

   u will never find the right person if you do not let go of the wrong one

   i am pleased that BP has stopped the flow of water into the Oil of Mexico

   She has the lips of an angel But what She does with them, she's probably going to hell

   gonna send Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston a pack of condoms as a wedding gift.

   Captian's Log: July 15th, I am still a total bada$$

   admits he only watches "Glee" for the hot, young a*s. Mmm

   heard that actor Mel Gibson had phoned several trusted friends for advice on how to handle his situation with girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva. They included Alec Baldwin, Chris Brown, Michael Richards, Archie Bunker and the ghost of Gary Coleman.