Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   wishes Lebron went to The Mets.

   outside the bathroom you're an American. Inside the bathroom...European.

   People are funny. They spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't need, to impress people they don't like.

   You can either be part of the problem or part of the solution, but in the end, being part of the problem is much more fun.

   During a speech at Columbia University, founder of Microsoft, Bill Gates, said his rival at Apple, Steve Jobs, has done a fantastic job. Then Gates froze up and had to be restarted. :)

   Cigarettes...because Skittles after sex just don't cut it!

   there are three kinds of people in this world. those who can count...and those who can't!

   *Insert Controversial topic here*

   Thinking about totally revamping my hairstyle. Ever since Justin Bieber came on the scene, it's no longer acceptable for a 25 year old to have a similar haircut. I'm thinking short, but not too short.

   Given the choice between Parkinsons and Alzheimers, I would prefer Parkinsons. I would rather spill a little beer rather than forget where I put it.

   I'm so broke... People in Haiti are having a benefit for me !!

   I hope everything I say doesn't sound like a sexual euphemism... touch wood.

   I failed my history test today. Apparently, "three centuries of inbreeding" is not the correct answer to "how did the american people evolve?"

   saw on the news a black couple had a white baby. it wouldn't happen in China because two Wong's don't make a white.

   if a fat girl falls in the forest and nobody is there to see it ...... do the trees laugh?

   was woken up again last night by the bulimic girl next door. I banged on the wall and shouted, "For f***s sake, keep it down!".

   Worst thing to feel during a proctology exam ???...Two hands on your shoulders

   bored of thinking of funny things to write in status and isn't going to bother this time

   not a doctor, but I play one in the emergency room until security shows up.

   would be more willing to accept people for who they are if they were more like how I wanted them to be.