Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Tiger Woods' golf game, marriage crumbles. I guess going from 120 holes down to 18 has been too hard an adjustment for him!

   the leader of the show, make the ladies say "Oh!"

   officially resigning from adulthood!!! ...if you want to discuss this further you'll have to catch me first, cos... "Tag! You're it."

   Watching tear jerker movies and eating big bowls of ice cream .. anybody got a Tampax ?

   Apparently, all those good looking people in the swimsuit catalogs go to a different beach than I do.

   baffled how I have to wake up early every day and deal with people who are unpleasant and David Carusso still has an acting job.

   How many animals can you get into a pair of tights? 10 little piggies, 2 calves, 1 beaver, 1 ass, 1 p*ssy, thousands of hares and a dead fish no one can ever find.

   A study reported that iPhone users have more sex. Most likely cause is that there's an app for that.

   Do you really have to like everything on Facebook....????

   has come to the conclusion that people who think they are better than anybody else have to think that way because no one else thinks they are...

   as bored as a midget in a theme park

   reality shows about cake bosses, exterminators, ghost chasing plumbers, douchey Jersey people , pawn brokers, repo guys, and vapid celebutards... what's next? A show about paint drying?

   decided to go barefoot, because i'm always thinking outside the socks

   loves Fridays but Friday the 13th is so stressfull. You have to watch out for black cats, don't walk under a ladder, open an umbrella inside and watch out for guys named Jason with machettes.

   So Lebron is keeping a list... you know who else is keeping a list? Delonte West. and you know who's mom is on there???

   So Lebron is going to take mental notes on everyone who's been taking shots at him this summer... I mean, if it was actual notes, with like a pen and paper, I might be scared! but since it's mental notes... nothing to worry about!

   wondering where noah kept woodpeckers on his ark

   Dear Facebook, these people that you are suggestion her to friends with is making her sad. She thought you knew better than that.

   I just dusted and mopped the house like 3 months ago and it's dirty again. This is bullsh*t.

   I'm just a boy.. standing in front of a girl.. asking her to love him.. long time.