Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Senior Campbells Soup with.....NEW... larger type alphabet soup letters.

   ‎(_8(l) - D'oh!

   Today my friend told that when she was younger she used to be so obsessed with tooth fairy that she used to rip out even healthy teeth. @oh it must of hurt heaps?- I asked her To what she replyed. Donno ask my lil bro

   last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

   Catholic paramount rule: "If it feels good, it's bad."

   Imagine how good Bieber's loves songs are gonna be when he sees a vagina

   ghetto: when your GPS says roll up ur windows, lock the doors and DRIVE.

   He who hesitates is not only lost, but probably 12kms from the next motorway exit.

   I'm not 40-something. I'm $39.95 plus shipping and handling.

   A 27-year-old was arrested after posting on Facebook he was engaged to a 14-year-old. His relationship status: “It's Illegal.”

   born at a very young age.

   sings "I want to be a hundredaire so freaking bad"

   When you don't have love, it is like there's a party going on and everybody was invited except for you ... and you just happen to walk by that house in the rain ...

   I Got Married For Better or For Worse................She couldn't do better and I couldn't do any worse

   Standup Facebook. Where "Poke" is the new booty call.

   Why do guys think more then girls, and why do girls talk more then guys? Because guys have two heads and girls have two sets of lips

   Why does Jason kill on Fridays when ppl are just starting their weekend? Why can't he wait til Monday mornings when everyone hates their lives

   Yo Mamas So Fat She Downloaded Cheats For Wii Fit

   Without fail, any movie sequel that does not have the same actors as the first movie will be terrible. Every time. I don't know why they bother.

   Just list United States first, Scroll Down Menu. I'm quite certain no one from Afghanistan is signing up for your email alerts.