Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   's is big. (Or maybe she said that to make me feel good.)

   they say the camera adds 10 pounds. well it looks like you just ate five cameras.

   Ugly girls....stop taking pics and posting it like you're cute.

   This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being

   I wish I had had Dora's parents . They let her little A$$ go anywhere

   still gets Rick Roll'd on youtube every once in awhile."

   Pedro, just listen to your heart. That's what I do." -Napoleon Dynamite

   I like it wherever I can get it, just saying lady's.........

   Dear Noah, We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5. Sincerely, Unicorns.

   A police recruit was asked during exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest ur own wife?" He said, "Call for backup."

   The lady's on FB are up to something again, I think I like this as much as the bra color thing..... ; )

   In life, it seems the group of people who are easily offended and the group of people who are easily confused tend to be the same group.

   You complete me. Which makes me a complete idiot.

   If a woman is talking to me about her problems, I better be the cause of them.

   Rule #1 of the Internet: Nothing you put online, even for a second, can ever be taken down.

   I hate it when people tell me I look young for my age because it implies my age is old.

   Has anyone else noticed that mirrors look really sexy? Or is it just her?

   I realllllly want to pet a whale right now

   I Think Someone From Eastenders Should Go And Kill Someone From Coronation Street.....What A Plot

   George Washington is the only president who didn't blame the previous administration for his troubles