Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   anyone going to tell America's Funniest Home Videos about youtube?

   Don't get me wrong, I totally hear what you're saying, I just don't give a d*mn.

   If anybody asks, I was on Facebook all night tonight, okay? Thanks for having my back, everyone.

   Don't you hate that moment when you think to yourself, why did I just say that?

   I feel a sin comin on....

   I wonder how police on bikes arrest people, "Alright, get in the basket."

   You can't force someone to love you, you can only stalk them and hope for the best.

   The GOLDEN rule in my house is...IF it's funny your not in trouble.

   NO officer, I did not hit her, I simply FIST pumped her face.

   Sometimes I open the fridge and stare at the contents for no reason at all.

   Just found out that I've been on double secret probation for quite sometime now.

   annoying you with status updates for her own entertainment.

   just depressed:( I mean come on, really who took my crayons?

   People who gossip need to get their own life, those who listen and believe it need to get a life.

   Have you ever wanted to punch someone in the face so bad that you were willing to fight their whole family??

   not really rude, she just says what everybody else is thinking.

   Rejection is tough, I heard that your hand fell asleep on you last night.

   If I offend you in any way, please let me know so I can do it again.

   Thinks that you should've been swallowed at conception.

   Has once again found why murder should be legal.