Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   You're never too old to learn something stupid.

   As the first chilean miner came to the surface he was quick to celebrate his 'rock paper scissors' championship 2010.

   My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

   There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.

   Getting a girl off is like a game of Marco Polo. The louder she gets, the closer you are. Wandering in the other direction is just counterproductive.

   Big... Powerful... Makes the ladies scream... Lasts for an hour. No wonder women love Oprah so much.

   Just once on Undercover Boss, I'd like to see one of the lower level employees just go, "Yeah, pretty much all I do all day is scrw around on Facebook and play Bubbleshooter. Also, our CEO is a d!ck."

   Damn! Why did Friday the 13th have to be today...it's only the middle of the week!

   wondering why, if midnight snacks are banned, why is there a light in the fridge?

   God Bless the Chilian miners and there familes for going through tough times!!

   treat everyone as you would like to be treated... except in bed, "that" could be illegal in some countries or religions!

   whilst watching england tonight I have come to the conclusion that peter crouch and wayne rooney couldn't score with a prost........oh wait

   was wondering why, after 68 days, none of those pulled from the mine in Chile had any facial hair. Then I remembered why....... they are only miners

   I just met a very nice man who said he loves children. Then I found out he was on parole for it.

   Next up the mine is the only non-Chilean miner in the group... They should have saved him for last.

   Why do I have to cry every time a miner comes out?

   This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 30 dog, seconds dog! … Now read without the word dog. (^_*)

   Women, don't get a tattoo. That butterfly looks great on your breast when you're twenty or thirty, but when you get to seventy, it stretches into a condor.

   The 1960's were when hallucinogenic drugs were really big. And I don't think it's a coincidence that we had the shows then like The Flying Nun.

   California is a nice place to live - if you happen to be an Orange.