Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   In other news, Farve says those texts and voicemails were intended to go to his wife. Jenn Sterger picked them off and took them to the house.

   "Get off my lawn!" First native words spoken to Christopher Columbus.

   My parents used to tell me that if the ice cream man was playing his music it meant he had none left.....how cruel!!! and nmore-so why would he still drive into my street? just to taunt me!!??? I was an idiot child!!

   IDK what it is about gum, but I suddenly feel so much sassier when I chew it!!

   thinks that if we were germs, I would be the 1% bad ass that lysol can never kill!!

   Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to like you?

   True friends stab you in the front!

   hey YOU...I'm Sorry, did my back hurt your knife?

   I'm the type of girl who can be so hurt but still look at you & smile. The type of girl who is willing to brighten your day even if I cant brighten my own.

   thinks that if we were germs, I would be the 1% dettol can't kill!

   thinks its time to clean out the handbag, I just put it on the passenger seat of my car and the seat belt light came on!

   Yes, I've made mistakes, but life didn't come with instructions on.

   If two men agree on everything, you may be sure that one of them is doing the thinking.

   Don't walk as if you rule the world, walk as if you DON'T CARE who rules the world! THIS IS WHAT I CALL ATTITUDE .......

   . "I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass... and I'm all out of bubblegum."

   There wouldn't be so many warning labels if we didn't have so many stupid people in the world.

   It's easier to drive to mars than to figure out how a male thinks .

   I have learned that pleasing everyone is too hard, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake

   It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

   You weren't the first to stake the flag son,but you walked on the moon..