Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I throw my can up in the air sometimes saying AYO where out of beer YO..

   traveling deep into Mordor and picking up the kid's from Sauron's house.

   Women are like beer, some go down better then others..

   So high, God told me to get off his roof.

   Don't ya hate it when ya interrupted during dinner!! Lady from the Sperm Bank just knocked asking for donations!! Boy, did I give her a mouthful!!

   if a full moon makes you crazy, you were a crazy biotch to start with!

   says If two morons fall in love I could care less, but for the love of God please DON'T reproduce and make more of you. There are enough idiots in this world without you making more.

   I no-longer have magazines in my washroom, I got my phone to mess around with instead

   What color does a smurf go when you choke it ?

   "Careful with fire" is good advice we know. "Careful with words" is ten times doubly so

   Few women admit their age; few men act it.....

   Everything happens for a reason... Just know that God places people in your life for a reason and will let you know what that reason is when it is time! ♥

   The closest I come to cooking with gas is when I break wind while frying a steak

   - Wayne Rooney and Alex Ferguson have changed their relationship status to 'its complicated'... Manchester city 'like this'

   remembers believing that by pressing the Diet "Button" on McDonalds Coke lids would suddenly make the Coke turn into a Diet Coke O_0

   Oooo God, Facebook was down for about 30 mins or so, I'm predicting a baby-boom in about 8 months... =)

   loves Halloween, as people dont mind your garden looking scary

   why is burqas classified as crime, when lady gaga can wear raw meat as an outfit in public?

   which kind of vinegar must your bath towel smell like until you actually get a clean one?

   History lessons in our time whr easy, at least people fought for a purpose, feel sorry for next generation to keep up with the History