Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Only 9,000 more lies until Election Day.

   I don't get mad, don't throw temper tantrums and I don't hold grudges..I am a very mature girl....but YOU are not allowed in my treehouse anymore!!!

   A handful of Nigerian scam artists are wrecking it for all the honest Nigerians who want to wire money to us.

   The next time someone annoys you so much you just wanna slap them… Do it and say, “Mosquito” and quickly walk away.

   ...the monkey's out of the bottle, man.

   It's called FACEBOOK, not OPENBOOK. You can keep somethings to yourself.....

   Expect the best, Prepare for the worst.

   I don't need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better.

   ALL UR LIES you SAID, ' I love U' WAS MY FAVOURITE

   the guy who put the hole in the ozone layer.

   at the Library waiting for the opportune moment to fire my air horn

   RIP Paul The Psychic Octopus... I wonder if he saw that one coming?

   R.I.P Paul The Psychic Octopus... Coming to a Sushi bar near you!

   Candy corn that has the chocolate bottom is an insult to Halloween and America.

   If you're not with me, you're against me!! And, if you're against me...well, hello there!! ;)

   thought Brett Farve was done throwing TD passes to Greenbay Packers....does last nights touchdowns count towards his Packer stats?

   Love: When you take a bubble bath together Lust: When you take a bath in Jell-o together Marriage: When you give the kids a bath

   Dear lady with 4 screaming children at the supermarket.. I would like to either discipline your children or slap you in the face for not learning to control them..

   Born to shop, not to mop.

   when a whisper becomes a yell, best just deny it