Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I can think of atleast 3 different ways to spend 78 million dollars more effectively.

   It just dawned on me that I am STILL not over the fact that Kevin Arnold and Winnie Cooper didn't end up together on The Wonder Years.

   If you're OCD and you know it wash your hands....

   Thinks it's good to see some of the women at work growing a movember too.

   IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT just in from Apple! Now not only including the Beatles music addition to the Itunes Store. They have also announced the addition of "The Greatest Polka Hits of "Lawrence Welk"!! Hurry over there now and get your digital copy now!

   BBC Sport: "Liverpool want Fanni" - Don't we all.

   I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

   Apparently it's green week. In an effort to contribute, I just created a save electricity sign: "Don't you hate it when someone turns you on, and then just leaves?"

   I have no problem with allowing Michael Vick to play in the NFL. However, if he ever suffers a career ending injury, he should be "put to sleep" immediately

   Great! Now all the pervs are going to apply for jobs with the TSA!

   If you're happy and you know it...share your meds.

   Mike Vick thought he was playing the Washington Pitbulls cause he killed them!!

   Everyone is intitled to their opinion, and in my opinion, your opinion sucks!

   ‎"One of the few things I really about FaceBook is that you can post or quote almost anything and few people will question it."- Abraham Lincoln :)

   Thinks someone needs to invent a sarcasm font.

   bad decisions make good stories.

   just added a guy on facebook named "emon", just so I could Poke Emon

   If I get pulled over in Arizona and the cop says "Papers" and I say "Scissors", do I win?

   New study shows that too much Facebook leads to alcohol/drug abuse, which leads to neglecting one's imaginary sheep.

   Fox News reports that Obama visits Indonesia, one of several foreign countries where he was born.